Sep 7, 2009

Stuff that's gay

politically incorrect? yes. An appropriate word to describe how I feel about things that are retarded at this time? even more so, yes. Feeling pessimistic? Feeling like complaining about stuff that's gay? Feeling bloated, fatigued or slightly lightheaded? if yes, this list is for you.
Disclaimer: I am guilty of more than one of these don't judge I just feel like complaining.

-Owning a tandem bike. ya that's preeetty gay. owning a tandem bike when you're single and utterly alone, so so alone GAY

-taking pictures of half decent looking flowers with a giant zoom and a really nice camera, then calling yourself a photographer, GAY you're not good at photography, you just found a decent looking flower, zoomed in on it with your nice camera and called it a piece of art. GAY! you're not clever, you suck and you're unoriginal. Crisply clear contrast-boosted flowers are lame and mostly boring and yet they are still popping up everywhere. like people are saying OOOHHH SWEET! A CLOSE-UP ON A HYDRANGEA!! THEY ARE SO GOOD WITH A CAMERA JUST, WOW I WONDER WHERE THAT WAS. THAT FLOWER. GET THAT FRAMED AND SIGN IT.

-Making sure people KNOW that you know- EVERYTHING. and about shiz you didn't even ask about in the first place. gay.

-Almost saying something important. then being like no, no, never mind. AAHH hate it, I do it sometimes but still, GAY. Important stuff is important, its like the substance of all conversation -I'm feeling so so deep right now. ha that is one sentence that should have been completed with a "dude" at the end.

-When someone doesn't match your emotion, for example when you are standing there pouring your heart out , well yeah pretty much, opening up to someone about how you feel and then they don't match your emotion, or your level of communication or openness about the subject , getting a shrug and a yeahh.. wow that's so GAY. you know, hypothetically in that situation, that would be gay of someone.

-It's gay when you walk behind someone and they look behind or over their shoulder at you all annoyed like your tailgating them in your car or something I just want to honk and be like MOVE i'm not stalking you I just like to walk faster than a slug, I have wider strides and we seem to be going to the same place so shoot me.

-Making a point about something you don't even know about GAY

-When you have the most amazing summer of your life and come back to a new school, especially UVU. It's hard to start school again soccerless.

-Documentaries about service projects. Publicizing it misses the point and kind of robs the experience for what it's worth. people just feel weird sharing experiences about how this has supposedly changed their lives, what if they just wanted to do a little service and give back a bit. It's so uggghh so gay it's almost expected this story this thing these events that are supposed to happen, it's like forcing chocolate down your throat- too much of a good thing, all at once. You want to enjoy it but you just can't because it's being forced upon you all of the time.

-Cereal binges at 3 in the morn. GAY

-Dave Matthews being canceled for the fourth time in Utah. THE SUPERMAN OF GAY. Next day on the radio, he wasn't even sick he acted all hoarse then called Utah Utard, laughed in a normal voice and told the dj he was an amazing lover. I have my own conspiracy theory that he is in some way trying to teach a lesson to the reddest state in America; he is quite political. That asshole. I bought tickets a year a go quite literally, had a big fiasco with the or whatever: five hundred dollar tickets that I never got and hmm couldnt be refunded "one of a kind originally printed" so I canceled the charge. I bought new ones on will call, not nearly as good. POINT: My whole life was leading up to this one day, September 1st doors open 630 show at 8, now I pretty much have nothing to live for except for lucky charms at three in the morn.

-Treating cats like humans. GAY get a real kid. Adoption. Haha that reminds me of this standup the other day how its weird that adoption has the word option in it. I dont know, guess you had to be there.

-YOUTUBE HOGS that think they know all the funniest youtubes in the world and "just wait wait wait this ones SO funny" and its a friggin rap about a leprechaun. yeah laughing my head off. Then you try and talk some sense into them with a little fake laugh and k ya that one was real funny, have you seen the nursery noise anchor bloop...and they interrupt "OOOHH NunonoNO NO NO I JUST remembered this one, its so funny hahahha oh my gosh we have to watch this" and ya they hog youtube the whole night and only laugh really hard at the ones they show you. WOW, those close minded youtubers just really get my goat. GAY and when they laugh so loud at the supposed punch line that you can't even hear it and your standing behind them with a wrinkled face like wha???
I always wonder what those youtubers are thinking, they must be thinking "alright the harder I laugh at this clip I've seen 17 times now, the funnier my friends around me will think it is, maybe if I watch them while they are watching the funny parts.....yeah. look at it, laugh, look back at them.....yeah."

- spending over 180 dollars on art supplies for water media ONE. nope I'm just in 1010 but I need a 100 dollar watercolor set. GAY

- When you see or hear something that is so priceless and you know you could never do it justice recreating it for someone else to see or hear.

-When guys say "chicks" even jokingly. Its gay, its like the word comes with a post script "now when you say it in any sort of sentence say it with a fake thug accent and in a real douche bag sort of way, it will be really funny believe me. friend should respond with similar accent and tone"

-That's all the gay i can think of right now. I feel better but I'm kind of disgusted at how much I think is gay, its making me out to be a people hater.


  1. kendel, i love this. i was laughing so much my roommate came to see what was wrong with me. i completely agree with most of these points. sometimes people can be so stupid and you just want to ask them "how do you get through life like this?" haha especially the photographer part. i love it when people make an album on facebook titled "my photography" and then its all pictures of close up flowers and like an old truck thats in black and white. and you just want to tell them how stupid their photos are not making yourself a people hater, you are just letting people know how stupid they can be most of the time. haha i loved this. so so much.

  2. love cereal in the late nights, one of my favorite things to do :) and I can relate to spilling your emotions and not getting the same back in return, it sucks and you feel freakin retarded. You are still playin soccer, with me!

  3. scene begins with kelsea laying on her couch casually scrolling through her frequented webb pages when she alights upon kendel's blog. she begins reading. she laughs. she laughs again. she nods her head in assent. she chuckles. laughs exuberantly. (feels gay (punny) at the moment for being too dramatic and trying to be original).
    point is. i loved this. like really loved this. more than ok with you blogging again. tempted to erase the first section of this comment but im too lazy. so just forgive me for the gayness. but really. i loved this

  4. Kendel, that was the funniest post I have ever read! But it is so true! Thanks for posting that! You made my night!

  5. I love this!!!! You have hit so many points on the nail.. And so many i can relate to..
    I wanna see Dave Matthews too, never have, but would love to. Bummer he acts that way..
    Your not a hater...:-) I am loving this post!